Obama to invade Britain after Brexit.

US President Barack Obama has issued a stark warning to the British electorate by stating his intention to invade the UK if the people vote for Brexit. In a speech given to journalists in Alabama, he said, "After a Brexit, there is a real fear that Donald Trump will invade England, and for that reason, and to protect the English people, I would see no other alternative than to invade them myself." Obama has stated to aides for many years that he would like to take the UK under his wing to ensure compliance, and it would appear that after Britain leaves the European Union, we may be completely vulnerable to such an invasion.

Whittingdale, Culture, Media and Sport Secretary, warns of post-Brexit child molesters.

The Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport, John Whittingdale, launched an astonishing attack against the so-called BBC during a live debate on ITV. He said that post-Brexit, the broadcasting company would not need to follow strict EU guidelines designed to limit the number of child molesters working in the media, and could become a monster. When pressed by David Dimbleby, Whittingdale said, "What I see, and this is, of course, only my own personal opinion, but it's based on previous evidence, but what I see post-Brexit is a wave of Jimmy Savilles taking over the so-called BBC. There will be one on every single television programme the so-called BBC broadcasts. And I say to you, do you want to be responsible for that? Do you want to be responsible for unleashing a wave of Jimmy Savilles molesting your children? If you do not care about the future of our young people, then by all means vote to leave the EU. But if you do that, I can guarantee it will be a decision you will regret for the rest of your lives."

Health Secretary warns that a Brexit vote may cause people to die

In an unprecedented move, Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has warned British voters that they face death should the UK vote to leave the European Union on 23 June 2016. In a speech delivered to party members yesterday he said, "We should be very wary of the long-term consequences of the so-called Brexit. People need to be aware that the damage could be catastrophic for all of us." After a round of applause, he continued, "I am prepared to go on record when I say that if the British electorate vote to leave the European Union, then those catastrophic effects will mean that we will all die. I don't mean on the 24th of June, the day after the referendum. I don't necessarily mean this year. And I wouldn't like to go on record and say that we will all be dead by 2026, but I am convinced that after a vote for Brexit, every single one of us will eventually die."

Education Secretary, Nicky Morgan, warns of Brexit education crisis.

The Education Secretary, Nicky Morgan, has said today on The Andrew Marr Show that the UK faces a crisis within education should people vote to leave the European Union. When asked for her opinion, she stated, "The problem is that British voters don't seem to realize that, as part of the European Union, and with the free movement of labour, our education system stands apart as being the only one within the EU to offer one-to-one tutoring for students. And not just students who are struggling intellectually. We provide foreign-speaking teachers to ensure that all of our students are educated to a good standard." Marr asked her what she believed would be the consequence of the UK pulling out of the EU, and Morgan responded, "The one-to-one education would have to cease immediately, and the students who are currently receiving it would be bundled into classes with everyone else, and I can see that as being the beginning of a crisis within our education system."

British Foreign Secretary warns of an invasion of leprechauns after Brexit.

British Foreign Secretary, Philip Hammond, has gone on record to warn British voters that the UK will face an invasion of unwanted leprechauns should they choose to leave the European Union on 23 June 2016. In an interview with the BBC, he said, "What the British public do not seem to understand is that under current EU border control rules, we do not have to allow leprechauns to enter the UK. But if we remove those controls, we face a frightening invasion of leprechauns seeking asylum from the Republic of Ireland." When asked about Hammond's claim, UK Border Force commented, "At the moment, there is a ban on the movement of leprechauns across the whole of the European Union, and we have strict measures to ensure that they do not enter via the Calais to Dover route. However, there are no border controls between the Republic of Ireland and the United Kingdom, and it is possible that without a ban in place, leprechauns may see the UK as a safe haven."

British Chancellor George Osborne warns of armed forces privitisation after Brexit.

The British Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, has warned that the British Armed Forces may have to be privitised should the UK vote to leave the European Union on 23 June. In a speech to be delivered later today, he will say, "It is inevitable that changes will have to be made to our armed forces after Brexit. An option open to us is to privitise them, and to that end we are holding talks with a number of interested parties. It is not a step I want to take, but I can tell you that a G4S Air Force and a Serco Army are already on the cards."

PM warns "serious climate change if the UK leaves the European Union".

Prime Minister David Cameron has warned UK voters that they face cataclysmic climate change if they vote to leave the European Union on 23 June. He says, "The evidence is there that the United Kingdom will face days of floods, extreme cold, and perhaps even snow, if the British public elect to leave the EU in the referendum." He goes on to say, "We should remember that the weather is divided equally across the whole of the European Union, and if we leave we face getting more than our fair share of storms, while the rest of the European Union, particularly Portugal and Spain, will see an increase in sunny weather."

A spokesman for the Met Office has backed the PM's claims, stating, "The indications are that there is a lot of hot air across the European Union, and we will face a wave of high pressure in the UK if the electorate vote to leave the EU."